Oh My Rockness Email Introductions

AN OPEN LETTER TO ALL BOOK PUBLISHERS: Hiya, Pubbys! So, our mind has been a cranial crock pot lately, stewing about this Oh My Rockness book idea. And we think it's high time you knew about it. No, no, it's not one of those pretentious book ideas you must hear all day like, "My big, thick hardcover book is about spanning generations of some same family with flashbacks and flash forwards and lots of other flashing things---" SNORE ME LATER! No, we're thinking our little book would be more like the kind of book that feels most at home lying on your bathroom floor next to your toilet. We're not totally sure of the title yet, but so far "How 2 Act Kewl at Kewl Showz" has a slight edge over "Show Tips: It's Not a City in China."

It'll be one of those little books with only, like, three sentences per page. Surrounding those sentences (which will be show tips, in case that wasn't clear earlier) there would be lots of white space. We want this to look super clean and super sterile because that's what's kewl. When the reader holds our book, we want them to feel like they're in a hospital room. Pubbys, we truly believe there's a market for this Rockness show tips book.

We can't tell you all the times people cross to the street just to approach us and say, "I don't like the way you look." And some other times, people will come up to us and say, "Hey Rockness, can you give me any show tips when I go see The Antlers, Boy 8 Bit, Ducktails, Mew, Cymbals Eat Guitars and Max Tundra this week? Like, how do I know how to act kewl and have all the really radical moves when I'm at these shows?" And we always tell them, "Just act natural and be yourself. For us, that means singing the score to Show Boat between band sets." And that's just the start!

There could be so many more show tips! Just give us a chance. Publish our show tips book and you'll be laughing all the way to the bank, and everyone likes a car commute full of the giggles, right? Just reply to this email to set up some show tips book meetings. Oh wait, just got a response! A Pubby writes, "Here's a tip, don't hold your breath." Wow! We'll use it! Now we've got two show tips!