Oh My Rockness E-Mail Introductions

We've been told that we have trust issues. And that's just not true. We just never trust a band that yells at the crowd to dance, move up, or go talk in the back. We never trust a crowd that arrives early and pays for the right not to listen. Never trust those who dance like a slow swan when an Abba song comes on. Never trust the one who is defiant when defending a band.

Never trust the words spoken to fill the silences. Never trust armchair experts on bank fees, collateral or commodities. Never trust those whose opinions are louder than their beliefs. Never trust hipster jokes. Never trust the website that references free summer shows just to link to something relevant.

Never trust the stranger who tells the stranger, "You should smile." Never trust the dates the elevator was last checked or the port-o-potty last cleaned. Never trust people who dislike holidays. Never trust the person that reads a novel while exercising. Never trust that the band's set-up takes as long as all that. Never trust those who insist the sequel was better than the original.

Never trust the person who addresses a group of people on email as "Folks." Never trust conference room commands to take a real life conversation "offline." Never trust online outrage.

Never trust anyone who refers to anything controversial as "Something-Gate." Never trust the one who starts a bar tab for casual acquaintances. Never trust the casual film fan that refers to Robert DeNiro as "Bobby D." Never trust people who claim they're only happy when it rains.

Never trust alliteration.
Never trust form.
Never trust the arts.
Never trust independence.
Never trust mantras written using Microsoft Word.
Never trust.

No. We don't think we have trust issues. Do you?